Trend update

Still don't know what a gif means. 😂

Also, this study and parenting bizz is hard work. Especially when I have so many shows to catch up on haha! 

My son is pretty much a grown human and it's making me sad. 

One because it means he's growing up and not my cute baby anymore. 

Two because it means I'm also getting old. 

That is all. 

I had a break down this week so will have to write a post next week about the woes. 

Hope you all have a lovely weekend. 

Happiness

This morning I read an article two people on my friends list shared. With the phrase 'love this! 😊🙌🏻'

The article was titled, Marriage isn't about your happiness. 

At first I thought, play on words? 

No. 

Apparently this self centred society is making us all question our relationships based on our happiness. 

Excuse me while I clear my throat. 

What a load of bullshit!! 

It went on to say, it's about love and sacrifice. About giving and receiving. About doing the dishes even though it's your least favourite chore. About blah blah blah. 

Sorry but if all those things are broken and you are giving, giving, giving. Sacrifices every once of your self for your relationship and the other person isn't. Then love begins to fade. 

To me love equals happiness. If there is no love then no happiness will be there. 

It really breaks my heart that women and men stay together for such a long time based in the fact they have to work it out for love. Instead of standing up for yourself and saying, hey this isn't working in not happy, I'm falling out of love with you. 

That is ok. No one is perfect. 

We are taught to love ourselves before we can love another. Which to me means I need to be happy enough in my self to love it with all I have. Happy with where I am in life and how I got here. Who I am and what I believe. 

I often tell people, if you strip away everything and you are left with yourself. Are you where you want to be, can you live with that? 

Because at the end of the day, you close your eyes at night and you don't know what's around the corner. 

Happiness is a gift. Cherish it. If it makes you selfish, relish in it because it is contagious. 

Pregnancy story kind of

The glamorous side to pregnancy...

It doesn't exist unless you have a seven year old who thinks the whole experience is so cool. Though his patience is not much and wants baby out asap! 

I thought I did well in my first pregnancy only putting on 14kgs. I was young, fit and healthy and had nothing to worry about. I felt fantastic! Even my birth was a dream come true and not many women get to experience such a delightful first birth experience. 

This was nothing compared to my next pregnancy. I was older, felt older, tired, drained and unmotivated. I looked well but felt like shit 99% of the time. I only put on 7kgs but I put that down to losing muscle and being so nauseated that the thought of food would just turn me off it completely. I had no appetite. 

And on top of all this I was studying full time. Go me! 

I had that awful feeling the whole time that something was wrong or something was going to go wrong. But how could it? I was still young, I had an awesome birth previously, what could happen...

Trust your bodies ladies if you feel like something is up or down, go get it checked. Don't be naive. 

Baby was breech and I knew she wasn't going to turn, I knew. I felt her trying but something was stopping her. It was making me anxious. I waited till 36weeks to start to worry and until then I still had some hope she would turn although I was happy to have a vaginal breech birth. I was referred for an ultra sound to see position of baby. 

At 37weeks I was told I had a Bicornuate uterus (heart shaped). Look it up it's pretty cool and annoying! 

She was trying to turn but she couldn't because my weird shaped uterus was stopping her. Sorry babe. So ceasran was booked in. I was scared, the thought of being cut open to have a baby scared me. They also said she was super tiny and then I was really scared but I wanted her out. I was positive about having her earth side and I could help her. 

Anyway fast forward exactly a week and I was in OT having a tiny baby girl who wanted to make an earlier than planned ceasar arrival. She was perfect, tiny, bit hungry and ready for the world. 

I have two children who are so similar yet so opposite and I could not be happier. 

Pregnancy sucks at times but you really do miss it when you are at the other side.

Photo of baby girls head trying to turn/evacuate the building.  

Seriously why!?!

So it has come to my attention that there is something that is not significant to my life but makes my blood boil. 

The producers and dicks who make series. Honestly you are greedy money hungry assholes. 

Normally you all do amazing work and I'd applaude you for your amazing cinematography. But there is one thing of late that just erks me to tears. 

It came to my attention after the last instalment of the terminator series. I was so excited to see Emilia Clarke as Sarah Connor and the performance was great but for fucks sake. You basically voided every other fucking terminator movie! Judgement day is a fucking classic and you've pissed all over it, you twats! 

Now to you dickheads who made the already woeful X-men series. You tried to make amends and start from the beginning. Personally that was a great move. Because I always wondered how they all got there and how you were going to write it into the story. Now what really grinds my gears is the fact that even though the originals were questionable. You all decided that lets not just make it all line up but fuck off all those other storylines that go with it. This also goes with the wolverine movies that are now void. So thank you days of futures past for doing a number the whole X-men franchise and confusing the fuck out of everyone. Let's hope this new apocalypse or whatever makes more sense, you story fuckers. 

Good luck one and all

I finally finished my first year of Uni with flying colours I might add. 

Well now I am able to reflect on my achievements, it surely was not the best fun at the time. 

First semester flew by and before I knew it. I was actually doing some real life nursing. And I loved it! Even if I was 6 months pregnant and in my feet for 9hours a day. It was totally worth it. 

I now know that I'm in the field that I love. 

After the experience of my first prac two exams still remained. And like the trooper I am, I didn't ask for special treatment or a comfy chair (being 36 weeks pregnant of course I should have), I wanted to take the exam like every other student in that hot building. It was a lot easier inside then outside waiting. 

So for the final exam, studying was too much effort and I decided if I didn't know enough then so be it. I just said to everyone I saw, good luck, may the odds be ever in your favour, don't worry about it you'll be fine. It'll be easy. Well it was ok and we all passed. Yay! I hope I can take that moto into this next semester which has been labelled the hardest of the whole degree. I'll be hitting it head on with a three month old. Wish me luck because I'm silently dying inside. 

New life

After the most intense year of my life I think I need to recap on some highlights and low lights. 

Let's start with the best one. My daughter. Miss Lainey Jane. She is the best thing since having my son. I can honestly say I fall in love with her more everyday when I wake up and see her pretty face. Even if it's the second, third or forth time I've seen it that morning. Never even dreamed of having another baby for a long time, let alone a girl and I'm going to say it, she's a blessing, I don't know what I'd do without her. I used to think people were crazy when they called their kids blessings. I know I have a son already and I guess I can look back and say, yes he is a blessing. I more saw it as he is my favourite human. He still is my favourite human. But my daughter she is just adored. 

So birth not as simple and easy as my son. Although I'm glad I faced both type of births. It's encouraging for me as a student nurse to have had birthing experiences that women want or don't want. 

My princess decided to be stuck in breech position and nothing that was her fault, more so mine. Well a genetic abnormality that I had no idea I had until a week prior to her birth. And you know it explains so much. But despite the fact I was faced with a possible csection birth I felt positive about the birth. First time in the whole pregnancy. You know when you just know something isn't right, well that's what I felt. And I was right. Transverse breech and I have a Bicornuate uterus (heart shaped). 

So even though my csection was booked my little (I mean little) girl decided to show up early anyway. Weighing a mere 2.54kg which is around 5pound 9 I believe. 

Apart from feeling super weirded out by the whole abdominal surgery situation I was in and completely freaking out! That emotion you feel when you first see your baby is indescribable. I was hit with a brick of emotion and she was amazing! Has been a pretty awesome baby so far even if she hates the car and screams or just outright whinges because she can't handle not being held. And we love her, love our cuddles, love her smile, love her chins and she's loves us too. 

The best thing, seeing my seven year old fall in love with someone for the first time it is a sight to see ladies and gents. Watch out future girlfriends you have major competition, I'll know it when I see it. And future boyfriend you better be charming because you have a tough dad and a protective big brother to deal with. Good luck one and all. 

Mary Fucking Poppins

What a load of crock!

Every time I watch that bloody movie and see this women describe herself as, ‘practically perfect in every way’. I think to myself, ‘good for you Mary’, but damn you at the same time, and how far up your ass does that coat hanger go? Honestly!

What kind of ideals is this women teaching children? I am practically perfect in every way and you are not. I must see my face all at once. Oh, and I can sing bird too! You children on the other hand are naughty, messy and misbehaved. Never mind that's what children are suppose to be like so, let’s eat some sugar and snap our fingers, children don't need fixing (which is true but sugar and finger snapping aint the way either).

Oh but it is such a lovely story about teaching the dad how to chill the eff out. Well Mary, Dad has a high demanding job with a snotty boss, a wife who wastes their money on maids and nannies. No wonder he is tense, his hard earned cash is being used up on an activist wife with horrible hair. Not to mention the bird feeding, supercalafragalistic more like influenza.

The only good thing about that movie is the bloody dancing penguins, because eff you Mary Poppins and your eyerolling.

Why TV rules my life

Get ready for nerd alert; and the time wasting that is my night life while husband is away for work.

(side note: I actually started this a few weeks ago but only got around to publishing it now and the coming back shows have started)

 

Aside from being a mum and student and all that; I have on a weekly basis about 10+ shows to catch up on and with some finishing there are always more starting.

My current list of shows that may occur in one week

Brooklyn nine – nine (the whole cast is brilliant!)

Sleepy Hollow (Ichabod, what even is that name?)

Marvels Agent Carter (empowering female in the 1950’s... Awesome!)

The Originals (game play and Klaus, sucker for the bad guy, plus 1920’s flashbacks)

The flash (funny and interesting for the science nerd over here)

Arrow (Mr. Amell topless, need I say more? In the words of Felicity, ‘and I’ve seen you shirtless… multiple times shirtless, all the time’)

The walking Dead (zombies and dirty people)

The vampire Diaries (ian somerhalder, damon yum!)

The 100 (aussie actors to the rescue plus I’m on the edge of my seat every episode)

Svu (husband loves it, so of course I watch it, even though some episodes make me sick)

The Librarians (so bad, it’s good)

And sometimes, when I feel like it Once Upon a time (even though I hate fairy tales and the show makes no sense what so ever)

 

Just recently cancelled shows that were on the list

Sons of Anarchy (major feels, still cant talk about it)

The Newsroom (Aaron Sorkin Genius, why you stop such an awesome show? But it really was a great ending, not so much as close to the terrible endings I had to endure with Dexter and True Blood)

 

Shows about the start again

Vikings (sexy, sexy, Nordic, gods and my main badass woman Lagertha)

Game of thrones (sex, murder and everything else in between)

Penny Dreadful (honestly, I still don’t know what I’m watching but Eva Green and Billie Piper win me over)

And when these have all finished or somewhere in the middle of it. The time will come for Doctor Who and Sherlock to return and well my life will be consumed with genius.

 

Oh and I have decided to start watching Supernatural only 10 years too late so yeah lots to catch up on there. Plus I’ve heard I need to see True Detective, Orange is the New Black and How to get away with Murder (somehow I feel like these three would be great as a trilogy, love me a trilogy). When these happen I’m yet to find time. Give me ten years and I should be almost up to date with them.

 

So that is that and there are always things I love to marathon, seasons I haven't yet ventured into for example. In the last off season when no shows were airing, I marathon Fargo or Misfits. Two totally different genres, but great TV. If you have not seen them, see them.

One adventure to the next, because not all those who wonder are lost.

 

Stop being so hard on yourselves

There is much debate as to how a mother should look after she has had a baby. What a load of shit!

Mums look like themselves, not cardboard cut-outs of what society believes they should be. How hard is it to be yourself and look after your baby? No one said you had to have your makeup done by 8am, out the door by 8:30, looking fabulous and mumsy at the park.

Realistically, mothers cannot even function at a normal rate from sleep deprivation, hunger and general insanity. So this fantasy society believes is true of motherhood is incorrect. There is also another point or side of the coin, some might say and I’ll get to that part now.

If by some miracle of genetics and sanity you snap straight back to pre-baby figure and are completely routine orientated. Well done for you. But I have a secret, this is seriously a minority of this population. If we continue to breed then this cycle is going to keep reoccurring. Let’s endeavour to keep our heads in our heads and stop body and mind slamming ourselves into some small stereotype that in reality doesn’t exist for ourselves.

I hate morning now, I dislike doing my own hair, getting dressed makes me frustrated, my body can fit into my clothing... just. All these things are ok and I am ok with it. Because I am me and only you yourselves can change who you want to be for your children. Body image should be a positive and not a negative experience. We all have the same bits and pieces essentially, there is no shame in that. We all wish to be healthier and share those healthy choices with our children in hope they will do the same for their children and our legacy will live on forever and a day etc…

… So let’s be honest, seeing a mum on insta who just had twins with a six pack is quite an unrealistic goal and muscles are fab and all but they aren’t for everyone. Meaning I actually don’t think my body can produce them. (do flab abs count?)

 

This episode ends the, ‘to be continued adventures of motherhood’. Stayed tuned for the next four episodes for insights into films, tv shoes and the musical ride.

Frankly, I don't give a damn

(BAD LANGUAGE ALERT!!!!)

 

I don’t give a flying fuck disease.

1.       When people who give parenting advice: A) are not parents. B) have children who are either older or younger than yours. C) or people in general whos noses should not be in other peoples business.
What I have learned from my 6 short years of parenting, is that I don’t give a damn what worked for you or what bad choices you think I am making, and how inept you think my child may be. As far as I’m concerned you don’t live under my roof. Therefore, your opinion is invalid. Now, I know I may have in the past been a contributor to the odd discussion on whether one mother is wrong or right or, offered advice. But deep down I know, they are the parent and that is their child and my opinion will probably mean jack all.

2.       What a dump! (my favourite Liz Taylor line).
The amount of house cleaning and cooking you do in one day is really something I give no flying fucks about and what ever happened to experiencing life rather than posting it? Again I have been a contributor to the odd food snapshot and update on my productive day but find it fascinates only myself that I actually cook a meal every once in a blue moon. So please know that, that blue moon is a lot more vast and baron than a day by day update of how extraordinary you think you are. But if you are super mum, you need to tell me all your secrets.

3.       Sharing the fact that you dislike another form of sharing. For example, Animal Torture, Sexual Exploitation and Politics.
The fact that you are sharing this dislike is only fuelling that it exists. I’m not saying that these things are ok and people shouldn’t know about it. But the more you share the more sickos see it and you are fuelling them to continue to act and post. If you feel passionate about it, report it, go directly to the company or organisation and actually do something about it. So, no I don’t give a flying fuck if you don’t like something obscene because frankly you are a problem.

4.       I don’t know if this is just me, well, it probably is, so here goes. There is no such thing as a super food.
The word ‘super’ was given to a man in a shiny blue suit by other men. It is a man-made word and opinion. So, the next time you see some broccoli, tomatoes, spinach and cabbage. Stick ‘super food’ in front of it and you basically have the same list of nutrients as the rest of your super foods. Stop being so fucking hard on yourselves.

To be continued…

Bad Parenting

There is no such thing!

(unless you abuse and misuse the right to have a child under your name, than yes you are a bad parenting).

I’m not one to name and shame the reasons you can be a bad parent so, I’m not going to, just use that part of your brain for yourself. Instead I will name the things that don’t make you a bad parent.

 

1.       Letting your child cry to sleep. As controversial you think the topic is, You Are Not A Bad Parent if you choose to let your child settle themselves to sleep. You know as a parent if they are screaming or chilling. If your child is screaming uncontrollably then maybe, just maybe something is up. But if they whinge and whine for a bit, you better get used to it because I’m at 6 years now and that same cry comes out of his face. Independence can be very liberating for a child and should be practised from an early age if you want. But if you choose to be a non-crying type of parent, good for you I say. It’s not for everyone. Which brings me to my next point.

2.       Breast Feeding. Breast is best! The first two years is optimum for all babes with supplementary meals after the age of 6months (WHO 2014). If you can. Do it! Good for you and cheers to all the long term boobing mums out there, I will have a drink for you. Now if you cannot breastfeed, whether that be a personal reason or a physical dilemma. You Are Not A Bad Parent! You feed your baby how you feel suits best for you and your baby.

3.       Vaginal verses Caesarean. Vaginal canals are obviously designed to have a baby come through and out of it. God did some amazing work on our bodies and quite frankly the whole pregnancy to birth thing is genius, no matter what animal you are. Just because you have a vagina and uterus does not mean it is the only way to have a baby. You Are No Less Of A Mother If You Have A Baby Out Of Your Stomach Than Out Of Your Vagina! If you choose caesarean over vaginal birth fair enough, that is your choice. If you have no other choice, fair enough, it hurts and unless you like the idea of having a Chinese burn type situation in your vagina, you missed one hell of a show. But all that matters in the end is having a child and holding it in your arms. You did it, you are now parents.

4.       Junk Food, Chocolate, Soft Drink. Hey! Hold the phone, don’t go feeding your one month old chocolate or anything because those poos are not going to be fun or any easier to get to sleep as it is. But if by some age you decide as a capable parent that you want to give your child some chocolate or McDonalds, go ahead, you are the parent and sometimes it is just easier than a home cooked meal. We all make bad food choices but that one off treat is not making you a bad parent. You Are Allowed To Be A Little Naughty With Food and Still Be A Good Parent.

5.       Lastly for now, TV, iPads and the like. As reckless as these technologies may seem, giving your child an iPad for education or a few games for fun is not going to ruin your child’s life. In fact, I’m sure there are a lot more parents out there who find these technologies more fun than the toddler. It is a new age, a new Sonic the Hedgehog, a new Alex the Kid generation, embrace it. Teach them to be smart in their choices, be proactive and enjoy life. Some TV along the way is not going to make you a bad parent. Personally, I love playing games with my son. But now he is in school he isn’t allowed technology for school nights (well maybe sometimes after homework and dinner). He watches YouTube and tells me about the motorbikes he wants to ride one day. I think that is super cool, because I think my kid is the coolest (he even saved up his own pocket money to buy an iPad). I Am Not A Bad Parent and frankly I don’t give a damn.

 

to be continued...



Here is a link to a video that came out a few weeks ago and I think it is brilliant
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Me9yrREXOj4

The Begining

Honestly, this blog is just for me to get stuff off my chest and might even help other people who know and feel the struggles humans face on a daily basis feel they are not alone.

 

We all feel singled out at times in life with no life raft to save us. Even if we have family, friends and even partners who support us. We are all living like Pi on a stranded boat in the middle of nowhere with a tiger, for life.

 

Things will get strange, confronting, dirty and controversial. Life is full of crap, but we step in and well I want to get down in that shit and eff it up. Wait, What?

 

---

 

About me... Have you read the title of this blog? Maybe start there and you get the idea.

 

I'm not going to beat around the bush and go into details about what brought me here but basically being a mum, a wife and a student is hard work.

I miss my old life, whatever that was and I cherish the new one.

I’m going to be honest with you. That line, “Oh I can't imagine a life without my child.” Is a complete lie! What kind of drugs are you parents on and how can I get some?! Though, it’s probably some hormone I was genetically not allowed to have.

Nothing on this great earth can prepare you for the onslaught that is those first few nights, days and months of a newborn and well, quite frankly, the next few screaming tantrum filled years. Even as I write this now the echo of, ‘MUM, MUM, MUM, MUM!’

So anyone who says, ' I'm so ready to have kids.' lives on a different planet.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my son. He is basically perfection and I'd probably die if he wasn't around and yes I do get separation anxiety and deal with it, almost...

But before I had him, how could I have known that those feels existed? So word to the wise, being a parent is hard and for stupid people who wish to exist in a family-only orientated life... Forever! Throw friendships, parties and any old function that includes drinking out the window. Well, if you find yourself at said function or gathering, you get used to the hung over sleepless nights, but I suppose that's bad parenting?

 

 

To be continued...