Mary Fucking Poppins

What a load of crock!

Every time I watch that bloody movie and see this women describe herself as, ‘practically perfect in every way’. I think to myself, ‘good for you Mary’, but damn you at the same time, and how far up your ass does that coat hanger go? Honestly!

What kind of ideals is this women teaching children? I am practically perfect in every way and you are not. I must see my face all at once. Oh, and I can sing bird too! You children on the other hand are naughty, messy and misbehaved. Never mind that's what children are suppose to be like so, let’s eat some sugar and snap our fingers, children don't need fixing (which is true but sugar and finger snapping aint the way either).

Oh but it is such a lovely story about teaching the dad how to chill the eff out. Well Mary, Dad has a high demanding job with a snotty boss, a wife who wastes their money on maids and nannies. No wonder he is tense, his hard earned cash is being used up on an activist wife with horrible hair. Not to mention the bird feeding, supercalafragalistic more like influenza.

The only good thing about that movie is the bloody dancing penguins, because eff you Mary Poppins and your eyerolling.

Why TV rules my life

Get ready for nerd alert; and the time wasting that is my night life while husband is away for work.

(side note: I actually started this a few weeks ago but only got around to publishing it now and the coming back shows have started)

 

Aside from being a mum and student and all that; I have on a weekly basis about 10+ shows to catch up on and with some finishing there are always more starting.

My current list of shows that may occur in one week

Brooklyn nine – nine (the whole cast is brilliant!)

Sleepy Hollow (Ichabod, what even is that name?)

Marvels Agent Carter (empowering female in the 1950’s... Awesome!)

The Originals (game play and Klaus, sucker for the bad guy, plus 1920’s flashbacks)

The flash (funny and interesting for the science nerd over here)

Arrow (Mr. Amell topless, need I say more? In the words of Felicity, ‘and I’ve seen you shirtless… multiple times shirtless, all the time’)

The walking Dead (zombies and dirty people)

The vampire Diaries (ian somerhalder, damon yum!)

The 100 (aussie actors to the rescue plus I’m on the edge of my seat every episode)

Svu (husband loves it, so of course I watch it, even though some episodes make me sick)

The Librarians (so bad, it’s good)

And sometimes, when I feel like it Once Upon a time (even though I hate fairy tales and the show makes no sense what so ever)

 

Just recently cancelled shows that were on the list

Sons of Anarchy (major feels, still cant talk about it)

The Newsroom (Aaron Sorkin Genius, why you stop such an awesome show? But it really was a great ending, not so much as close to the terrible endings I had to endure with Dexter and True Blood)

 

Shows about the start again

Vikings (sexy, sexy, Nordic, gods and my main badass woman Lagertha)

Game of thrones (sex, murder and everything else in between)

Penny Dreadful (honestly, I still don’t know what I’m watching but Eva Green and Billie Piper win me over)

And when these have all finished or somewhere in the middle of it. The time will come for Doctor Who and Sherlock to return and well my life will be consumed with genius.

 

Oh and I have decided to start watching Supernatural only 10 years too late so yeah lots to catch up on there. Plus I’ve heard I need to see True Detective, Orange is the New Black and How to get away with Murder (somehow I feel like these three would be great as a trilogy, love me a trilogy). When these happen I’m yet to find time. Give me ten years and I should be almost up to date with them.

 

So that is that and there are always things I love to marathon, seasons I haven't yet ventured into for example. In the last off season when no shows were airing, I marathon Fargo or Misfits. Two totally different genres, but great TV. If you have not seen them, see them.

One adventure to the next, because not all those who wonder are lost.

 

Stop being so hard on yourselves

There is much debate as to how a mother should look after she has had a baby. What a load of shit!

Mums look like themselves, not cardboard cut-outs of what society believes they should be. How hard is it to be yourself and look after your baby? No one said you had to have your makeup done by 8am, out the door by 8:30, looking fabulous and mumsy at the park.

Realistically, mothers cannot even function at a normal rate from sleep deprivation, hunger and general insanity. So this fantasy society believes is true of motherhood is incorrect. There is also another point or side of the coin, some might say and I’ll get to that part now.

If by some miracle of genetics and sanity you snap straight back to pre-baby figure and are completely routine orientated. Well done for you. But I have a secret, this is seriously a minority of this population. If we continue to breed then this cycle is going to keep reoccurring. Let’s endeavour to keep our heads in our heads and stop body and mind slamming ourselves into some small stereotype that in reality doesn’t exist for ourselves.

I hate morning now, I dislike doing my own hair, getting dressed makes me frustrated, my body can fit into my clothing... just. All these things are ok and I am ok with it. Because I am me and only you yourselves can change who you want to be for your children. Body image should be a positive and not a negative experience. We all have the same bits and pieces essentially, there is no shame in that. We all wish to be healthier and share those healthy choices with our children in hope they will do the same for their children and our legacy will live on forever and a day etc…

… So let’s be honest, seeing a mum on insta who just had twins with a six pack is quite an unrealistic goal and muscles are fab and all but they aren’t for everyone. Meaning I actually don’t think my body can produce them. (do flab abs count?)

 

This episode ends the, ‘to be continued adventures of motherhood’. Stayed tuned for the next four episodes for insights into films, tv shoes and the musical ride.

Frankly, I don't give a damn

(BAD LANGUAGE ALERT!!!!)

 

I don’t give a flying fuck disease.

1.       When people who give parenting advice: A) are not parents. B) have children who are either older or younger than yours. C) or people in general whos noses should not be in other peoples business.
What I have learned from my 6 short years of parenting, is that I don’t give a damn what worked for you or what bad choices you think I am making, and how inept you think my child may be. As far as I’m concerned you don’t live under my roof. Therefore, your opinion is invalid. Now, I know I may have in the past been a contributor to the odd discussion on whether one mother is wrong or right or, offered advice. But deep down I know, they are the parent and that is their child and my opinion will probably mean jack all.

2.       What a dump! (my favourite Liz Taylor line).
The amount of house cleaning and cooking you do in one day is really something I give no flying fucks about and what ever happened to experiencing life rather than posting it? Again I have been a contributor to the odd food snapshot and update on my productive day but find it fascinates only myself that I actually cook a meal every once in a blue moon. So please know that, that blue moon is a lot more vast and baron than a day by day update of how extraordinary you think you are. But if you are super mum, you need to tell me all your secrets.

3.       Sharing the fact that you dislike another form of sharing. For example, Animal Torture, Sexual Exploitation and Politics.
The fact that you are sharing this dislike is only fuelling that it exists. I’m not saying that these things are ok and people shouldn’t know about it. But the more you share the more sickos see it and you are fuelling them to continue to act and post. If you feel passionate about it, report it, go directly to the company or organisation and actually do something about it. So, no I don’t give a flying fuck if you don’t like something obscene because frankly you are a problem.

4.       I don’t know if this is just me, well, it probably is, so here goes. There is no such thing as a super food.
The word ‘super’ was given to a man in a shiny blue suit by other men. It is a man-made word and opinion. So, the next time you see some broccoli, tomatoes, spinach and cabbage. Stick ‘super food’ in front of it and you basically have the same list of nutrients as the rest of your super foods. Stop being so fucking hard on yourselves.

To be continued…

Bad Parenting

There is no such thing!

(unless you abuse and misuse the right to have a child under your name, than yes you are a bad parenting).

I’m not one to name and shame the reasons you can be a bad parent so, I’m not going to, just use that part of your brain for yourself. Instead I will name the things that don’t make you a bad parent.

 

1.       Letting your child cry to sleep. As controversial you think the topic is, You Are Not A Bad Parent if you choose to let your child settle themselves to sleep. You know as a parent if they are screaming or chilling. If your child is screaming uncontrollably then maybe, just maybe something is up. But if they whinge and whine for a bit, you better get used to it because I’m at 6 years now and that same cry comes out of his face. Independence can be very liberating for a child and should be practised from an early age if you want. But if you choose to be a non-crying type of parent, good for you I say. It’s not for everyone. Which brings me to my next point.

2.       Breast Feeding. Breast is best! The first two years is optimum for all babes with supplementary meals after the age of 6months (WHO 2014). If you can. Do it! Good for you and cheers to all the long term boobing mums out there, I will have a drink for you. Now if you cannot breastfeed, whether that be a personal reason or a physical dilemma. You Are Not A Bad Parent! You feed your baby how you feel suits best for you and your baby.

3.       Vaginal verses Caesarean. Vaginal canals are obviously designed to have a baby come through and out of it. God did some amazing work on our bodies and quite frankly the whole pregnancy to birth thing is genius, no matter what animal you are. Just because you have a vagina and uterus does not mean it is the only way to have a baby. You Are No Less Of A Mother If You Have A Baby Out Of Your Stomach Than Out Of Your Vagina! If you choose caesarean over vaginal birth fair enough, that is your choice. If you have no other choice, fair enough, it hurts and unless you like the idea of having a Chinese burn type situation in your vagina, you missed one hell of a show. But all that matters in the end is having a child and holding it in your arms. You did it, you are now parents.

4.       Junk Food, Chocolate, Soft Drink. Hey! Hold the phone, don’t go feeding your one month old chocolate or anything because those poos are not going to be fun or any easier to get to sleep as it is. But if by some age you decide as a capable parent that you want to give your child some chocolate or McDonalds, go ahead, you are the parent and sometimes it is just easier than a home cooked meal. We all make bad food choices but that one off treat is not making you a bad parent. You Are Allowed To Be A Little Naughty With Food and Still Be A Good Parent.

5.       Lastly for now, TV, iPads and the like. As reckless as these technologies may seem, giving your child an iPad for education or a few games for fun is not going to ruin your child’s life. In fact, I’m sure there are a lot more parents out there who find these technologies more fun than the toddler. It is a new age, a new Sonic the Hedgehog, a new Alex the Kid generation, embrace it. Teach them to be smart in their choices, be proactive and enjoy life. Some TV along the way is not going to make you a bad parent. Personally, I love playing games with my son. But now he is in school he isn’t allowed technology for school nights (well maybe sometimes after homework and dinner). He watches YouTube and tells me about the motorbikes he wants to ride one day. I think that is super cool, because I think my kid is the coolest (he even saved up his own pocket money to buy an iPad). I Am Not A Bad Parent and frankly I don’t give a damn.

 

to be continued...



Here is a link to a video that came out a few weeks ago and I think it is brilliant
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Me9yrREXOj4

The Begining

Honestly, this blog is just for me to get stuff off my chest and might even help other people who know and feel the struggles humans face on a daily basis feel they are not alone.

 

We all feel singled out at times in life with no life raft to save us. Even if we have family, friends and even partners who support us. We are all living like Pi on a stranded boat in the middle of nowhere with a tiger, for life.

 

Things will get strange, confronting, dirty and controversial. Life is full of crap, but we step in and well I want to get down in that shit and eff it up. Wait, What?

 

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About me... Have you read the title of this blog? Maybe start there and you get the idea.

 

I'm not going to beat around the bush and go into details about what brought me here but basically being a mum, a wife and a student is hard work.

I miss my old life, whatever that was and I cherish the new one.

I’m going to be honest with you. That line, “Oh I can't imagine a life without my child.” Is a complete lie! What kind of drugs are you parents on and how can I get some?! Though, it’s probably some hormone I was genetically not allowed to have.

Nothing on this great earth can prepare you for the onslaught that is those first few nights, days and months of a newborn and well, quite frankly, the next few screaming tantrum filled years. Even as I write this now the echo of, ‘MUM, MUM, MUM, MUM!’

So anyone who says, ' I'm so ready to have kids.' lives on a different planet.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my son. He is basically perfection and I'd probably die if he wasn't around and yes I do get separation anxiety and deal with it, almost...

But before I had him, how could I have known that those feels existed? So word to the wise, being a parent is hard and for stupid people who wish to exist in a family-only orientated life... Forever! Throw friendships, parties and any old function that includes drinking out the window. Well, if you find yourself at said function or gathering, you get used to the hung over sleepless nights, but I suppose that's bad parenting?

 

 

To be continued...